Feed me Seymour!

Once you tell your family and friends that you are pregnant, the barrage of advice and wisdom start to flow your way. Everyone is more than happy to share their stories with you - unsolicited or otherwise. Yet, even with all the advice we get, so many people started sentences with "no one ever told me <> would happen!" My SIL told me that she never knew her hair would fall out after she had her baby. A friend of mine said she never knew how much labor would hurt in her back. Others remarked how surprised they were to learn how much breastfeeding hurt. It seemed as though pregnant women and new moms were holding back on us newcomers.

I, too, have had surprises. No one ever told me how much babies fart. Ya, you hear about the burps but who wants to think about their cute little bundle of joy cutting the cheese? No one ever told me that my babies would have boogers - and not the snot kind. Real ones that you have to pick out. Not so cute. (Ok - maybe sometimes it's cute. But everything is with babies!)

But, the most shocking thing that no one ever told me is how HUNGRY I would be! Yes, they all told stories about how much they ate while they were pregnant, or the crazy, midnight pregnancy-induced cravings but no one mentioned how it is after the babies come. Since the day my milk came in, I have been pumping around the clock to feed these two tiny babies. And as they got bigger, so did my milk supply. By the time the twins were a month old, I was pumping 60 ounces a day! I did the math - at 20 calories per ounce, I was removing 1200 calories per day from my body. That's like running 2 hours...everyday...for three months...no days off...

Needless to say, I'm tired. But more importantly, I'm hungry!! I dream of taking a nap when the babies nap but, by the time I'm done pumping, I'm famished. I walk downstairs and stare at the fridge in vain because I know it holds nothing that will truly satisfy me. I'll make a quesadilla with beans and avocado. Inhale it. 20 minutes later, I'm back at the fridge. Let's try carbs this time. Toast with peanut butter. Or a bagel with cream cheese. Gone in a few bites. By this time, it's only noon and all I can think about is how hungry I am for lunch. Sigh. The fridge is getting emptier but the hunger remains, undeterred by my futile attempts to subdue it. And the day is only half over...

On the bright side, all this calorie burning has done wonders for removing those pregnancy pounds. I am one of the lucky ones - got back to my pre-pregnancy weight after just a few weeks postpartum. Now I'm below my pre-pregnancy weight (please don't yell at me!) but most of that came from butt. I now have what my father loving calls a "Gumby" ass. Love you, too, Dad. I can live with that, though - small price to pay to fit into my jeans again.

So, for anyone out there reading this who is expecting, or wnats to be expecting some time in the future - consider yourself warned. Stock up the fridge, put the pizza delivery place on speed dial, teach your husband how to cook your favorite foods, whatever it takes to keep your belly full. You'll be glad you did it!

Now, if I could only get rid of these stretch marks...