Next up was the Girlfriend's Guide to Toddlers. Most of her advice was OK but all stuff you've alread heard - pretty much like, "Omigod, having kids is so hard and embarassing and gross but we love them so much!" Not really expert-y, IMO. I like advice that has a real point, not just something I could hear from anyone at the park. But still, there is lots of value in this kind of advice if you don't have moms at the park to chat with. So, I read on.
Things were going OK until she told me never to take my toddlers to a restaurant. Really? That's the worst advice I've ever heard - especially coming from another mother! I know lots of people feel that little kids should not be in restaurants but here's how I see it: There are fancy restaurants that are pretty much for adults only. It's not a rule but that's the atmosphere. In those cases, I get it. You won't see me and my twins at Mistral any time soon. But regular, family restaurants? I don't see why not. If you are prepared - and you should be, for your own sake, your kids' sake and the other guests - then eating out with kids is not a problem. My kids actually behave better in restaurants than they do at home. So maybe her advice should be learn how to have a successful outing with your kids instead of just locking them up inside until they're 5.
Also, if obnoxiousness is qualification for never going to restaurants, maybe teenagers should be banned, too. :)
What do you all think about kids in restaurants? Am I the crazy one?
If you go to a family restaurant, then you need to expect families to be there. When my daughters were about one, we took them to a family restaurant. One of my daughters started choking on something, it scared her, she started crying. As I calmed her down, I saw a teenage kid keep shaking his head at us and rolling his eyes. I looked right at him and said "is there a problem?" He wouldn't look at me... so I then loudly said "If you come to a family restaurant at 4:30pm you need to expect kids to be there!" OK, maybe I shouldn't have taken it out on him, but, seriously... how will children learn to behave at restaurants if they never go to one? I'm not saying kids should be allowed to run around and wreak havoc. They shouldn't. Nor am I advocating allowing your child to throw a tantrum at the table (I've had to have a family member take one of my girls outside for a few minutes to calm down when she decided she didn't like her meal). If you go to Chili's, Olive Garden and restaurants in that category you should expect to see families. A child may be loud (I'm not talking screaming, just loud because kids don't always understand inside voices) but that doesn't mean he/she has bad manners. I'm also not offended if people ask not to sit near the table with all the kids. They'll probably end up next to some obnoxious adults who can't stay off their cell phones. Hmmmm... I think I need to step off my soap box!
ReplyDeleteI'm reading Toddler Magic 1-2-3. Okay, so I have been reading it - for 6 months now. But I may actually read it one of these days. Anyway, I am a fan of the early lunch/dinner - of course you can take them out but don't expect to be able to eat a nice relaxing meal while they are there! We did Legal's today - it went very well.
ReplyDeleteI'm with you, we have gone to restaurants pretty consistently since our kids were under a year old. Obviously, some trips go better than others. You plan the time and location strategically, you make sure they're occupied and not bothering other patrons, and if the shit really hits the fan, you make a hasty exit. But you've got to get out there.
ReplyDeleteI completely agree. I think you should take your kids to family restaurants - how else will they learn! I think on Oprah or something they were talking once about setting your kids up to succeed. So don't get upset when you feed your kids spaghetti over a white rug and you end up with a stain - that's setting them up to fail. If your going to a restaurant, pick one with fast service, food they'll eat and stuff to keep them busy while they have to stay seated for an extended version of time. And just take them outside if there's a meltdown. But they have to learn how to function in society!
ReplyDeleteHowever - fancy restaurants, where food is expensive is not a place for kids. It's not fair for the other diners who've paid a lot of money to be by us - even on our best days, we're going to be loud.
Great topic.
My twins are the same age as yours. And my husband owns a restaurant. A nice one. One that we don't take the kids to!
ReplyDeleteBut we do go out to eat, often, to places that are appropriate. We come prepared, with toys, snacks in case the food takes too long, and extra cash to tip for the mess we will surely leave.
We mostly go to places we have been before so we are prepped- ie I know what I will order for them, so when asked what I want to drink, I give them the kids order. We also let them eat things they would never eat at home, ie fried food, ice cream, etc. Same rule I have for myself, hehe!
We have always taken them out, too! To be sure...I am more comfortable in the kind of place you pay first or can pay quickly, if ditching is called for...but we have pulled off some pretty impressive outings like the Commodore's room at the Black Pearl in Newport, RI (they didn't even have highchairs!) Slightly insane...sure...but did we have a great time? You bet!
ReplyDeleteMost family restaurants here in South Africa are kid friendly and have whole sections with the relevant play equipment, toddler sections, playstation and tv areas and sometimes childcare as well. Obviously the family included the babies and toddlers as well.
ReplyDeleteWe bring the babes to restaurants, we just go early. We are not shy about taking them to any kind of restaurant regardless of how fancy it is, as long as it is open at 3 or 4 in the afternoon. They tend to be less crowded and we get the extra waitstaff attention we need as well.
ReplyDeleteWe ALWAYS bring our kids out. And we always ask for the check as soon as the food comes - just in case. We've had to make a few hasty exits, but honestly, it's been because one of the kids got sick - not because they were behaving badly.
ReplyDeleteKids live up to expectations. Set them higher (but within reason!) and gee, they might just reach them! I bet "girlfriends" kids just had low expectations set...and they reached them.
Too funny--I read the girlfriend's guide to pregnancy, and when I was done, I said, "Wow, that was just like talking to my girlfriend--if my girlfriends were all annoying idiots." Hated that book so much I never read the baby one.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, yes, we have been bring our kids out to appropriate restaurants since they were infants. They know how to behave, though certainly aren't always perfect. But the practice has served us well for the times we've had to go out to nicer restaurants, like the ridiculously fancy place we went for my MIL's 70th b-day. The boys did pretty great--I was very proud. I can't imagine what it would have been like if we'd never taken them out before.
I got the Girlfriend's Guide at the recommendation of a girlfriend, and I had a similar response. I have a little sister, and I have friends with kids. Eh, nothing special.
ReplyDeleteClearly I hadn't gotten to her restaurant rule. Sometimes going out to eat, just me and the girls, is what keeps my sanity. How will they learn how one eats in public if they don't eat in public?!
We don't eat out a ton, but I never hesitate to take the kids out when the the idea is suggested. Like yours, ours are often better behaved in a restaurant than in our own kitchen.
ReplyDeletehehehe We have a restaurant BAG we leave in the van... with a few toys, diapers, those waterproof books, sippy's, bibs, etc... and we've ALWAYS taken the girls EVERYWHERE we go... heck, when hubby is deployed, I've taken them by myself... much more challenging and much less worth it, but sometimes I NEED to get out... hehehe... and as for speaking to my gremlins like chimps??? i don;t think soooo.. lol
ReplyDeleteWe always brought out kids to restaurants. I agree that it is great to give them practice. We also stuck to Family Restaurants. Our favorite one was loud, busy, lots of stuff to look at and there was a roll of paper towels, a bucket for trash and crackers on the table.
ReplyDeleteIt is usually the parents that bug me more than the kids. There is nothing more obnoxious than a parent that will sit and quietly eat their meal while their kid is climbing and jumping all over everything, screaming and bothering everyone in the place. If things ever got out of hand with one of my boys, we would leave, or at least one of us would remove him.
This is the first time that I am visiting your blog. Your twins are beautiful!